Between May 04 and July 08 I lost my mother, father, older sister and cousin to cancer. My mother was diagnosed in Fall 97 with ovarian cancer. At that time the news was good, it was still incapsulated and had not spread. She had a complete hysterectomy and did chemo and radiation. In October 02 she was given the cancer survivor designation. In late March 03 surgery showed the cancer had returned and spread to her bowels and colon and worse on the outer lining of her liver. Surgery removed the cancer and she started chemo and radiation again. Again she was told they had got all the cancer. In March 04 she was back in the hospital. The cancer was back and it had gone through the outer lining of the liver. Plus scar tissue from her earlier surgery was causing a partial blockage in her colon. She agreed to undergo an operation to remove the scar tissue. Anyone with any medical knowledge at all, knows the realistic outcome of a 70 yr old woman with cancer, who has been undergoing chemo, and an operation on the colon, near the bowels. She went septic and into a coma. Knowing that if she ever came out of the coma, the meds that would be required to treat the pain of cancer in the liver would require placing her in a medically induced coma, we made the best choice for her. We stopped hydration and nutrition and took turns sitting by her bed holding her hand and watching over her. On May 5, 2004 I finished my shift at 5:00 AM and my husband and I decided to make a quick trip home (100 miles). He had a meeting he needed to attend and I needed to check on my kids (10 and 16) and make sure everything was okay (my oldest son age 24 and his fiance were watching them). We got home at 7:45 and lay down to rest for a moment. at 8:01 the phone rang. My mama was gone home to God. My daddy was there holding her hand, alone in the room with her when she left him after 46 yrs of marriage. He sat there watching her face and holding her hand, and humming his gospel songs, until my sister came in the room. Then he just said; she's gone.
The same day my mother was undergoing her last operation for her cancer, my sister was in St. Louis also undergoing surgery. The next day she walked in to the waiting room and announced that she had cancer. Because her doctor had refused to take her seriously, had treated her as a whiney hypocondriac, he had not ran any test earlier for her stomach and constipation issues. When she scheduled a colonoscopy on her own the test showed lots of growths in the colon. Surgery showed stage 4 colon cancer that had metasticized into her lungs and lymph nodes. Life expectancy? 22mths. My sister was 44. We had a big blowout fight because she wanted to tell our mother that she was also dying of cancer. I did not want her to do so..the only thing we could do for mama at that point was to let her died beleiving that her girls..her family was going to be okay. My sister told her anyway. Something I still have trouble forgiving her for doing. She said it might give mama something to focus on other then dying, she was being *too* self involved...umm excuse me? dying woman...yeah, she has a right to some self involvement. She is getting ready to make a trip that nobody can tell her what it will consist of...
My father was born in 1924. He was 35 when his first child was born, 49 when his 4th and final daughter was born. In an earlier post I told about my mothers ovarian cancer and my sister colon cancer, now I want to talk about my daddy. He was the most amazing man I ever knew. Not just because he was my daddy, but because he lived a life that more people should emulate. He lived by a strict set of rules for his own behavior, but never held others to those same rules. He accepted everyone for who they were, and gave unconditional love and support and acceptance to those lucky enough to have him in their life.
My father didn't drink, ever (his mother was a member of the Temperance movement) and his older sister had married and divorced an alcoholic when he was a child (he was a change of life baby). My father never smoked. He never was overweight. And at age 83 he walked the 2 mile round trip to my mothers grave almost everyday, and still drove the *old ladies* (most of whom were younger then him) to their doctor appointments. His medication list? one pill for high cholestrol and an albuterol inhaler for his asthma.
In June of 07, my sister (the one with colon cancer) called to say that daddy had been admitted to the hospital. Seems he had been dealing with some diarrhea for a few weeks and finally went to the doctor. The doctor sent him for tests. The colonoscopy showed a blockage.
I knew at that point. Everyone was saying don't borrow bad news. But I knew. Sometimes you just know.
Exploratory surgery was scheduled. They opened him up and closed him back up.
There was cancer in his rectum, colon, pelvic wall, stomach, and in the lining of the liver. Nothing could be done.
Of course my daddy thought he would beat it. He said he wanted to do chemo. His doctor told him he wasn't strong enough.
A second surgery removed a portion of his colon and left him with a colonoscopy bag. He still thought he could beat it. We moved him to a care facility. He found out the man who worked in the office with him for 20 yrs was in the same facility. Daddy had tried the entire time they worked together to get R to go to church with him. On the first sunday in september R went to church with daddy. The next day R died.
One Sept 3, my daddy started talking to his grandpa and my mother when he was sleeping.
On Sept 5, 07 my father joined my mother in heaven. His work here done. Leaving those of us who loved him and were loved by him to carry on without him.
If you have never heard it, go to youtube and listen to Keep Me In Your Heart For Awhile, by Walter Zevon. I first heard it shortly after my mothers death. Zevon wrote it following his diagnosis of terminal, inoperable cancer:
Shadows are fallin' and I'm runnin' out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while
When you get up in the mornin' and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for a while
There's a train leavin' nightly called "When All is Said and Done"
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sometimes when you're doin' simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for a while
Hold me in your thoughts
Take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes
Keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
Engine driver's headed north up to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for a while
These wheels keep turnin' but they're runnin' out of steam
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Posted by Kharma at 9:16 AM Back to my sister. She fought hard against her cancer. She did everything she always wanted to do. She went to New York City, she went on a cruise, she went to Arizona, She went to Colorado..She was a better person with cancer, then she had been without cancer. It was almost like now that people knew she really was sick, she could relax and stop trying to get people to believe her about her health, etc.
22 mths came
and went and she held on. The cancer wasn't growing..the treatments were bying her time. Slowly she started loosing the battle at around 40 mths..little things at first..increased pain..increased confusion...increased fatigue... She had to sell her house and move to a smaller on floor apt and someone had to be with her all the time.
My sister wanted grandchildren desperately. She had only been able to have one child. JJ had problems concieving, so my sister paid for fertility treatments. The treatments took. JJ was expecting quads. On Friday July 22 my sister got to *see* her grandbabies..4 little girls on the ultra sound..that evening she fell out of bed and hit her head...the next day she died of a subdural hemotoma, but colon cancer is listed on her death certificate.
While we were sitting at her funeral in a town 100 miles away from our home, my dd texts me that she is leaving for the hospital cause she is in labor. We made a very quick drive home after the graveside service. The next day my granddaughter was born, and was given a second middle name..my mother and sisters middle name.
Posted by Kharma at 7:51 AM 0 comments
